Job Hunting

After basically not working for over a year and not really having the motivation to do anything, the motivation came back and I began exploring my options, including writing, going back to school, and going back to work. Even before the cancer, I had thought about going back to school and I was whistful about not doing so at times, but it feels different now.

A metaphor that comes to mind is one of a buffet. I have always had lots of options - many good ones - in my life. Using the "buffet" metaphor, before the cancer I didn't think too much about the selections. I might have been hungry and ate because I really wanted to or I might have eaten something just because it was there. Sometimes I was overwhelmed by the choices and sometimes having choice felt good. After chemotherapy, I was depressed. The "buffet" was there, but nothing looked appealing and I had no desire to really look for anything that was. There was nothing I wanted. Now I seem to be looking at all the options, but from a positive way - all seem appealing, but unlike before the cancer, it seems important what choice I make.

I am in the midst of an interview cycle for a couple of positions and I think I will get a job offer for one, if not both of them. The position is more junior than my previous ones, but I felt that I wanted something with less stress. It's interesting to talk to people who are very involved in something, but whose focus is not on health or cancer. I did not indicate I had "dropped out" of the workplace because of health reasons, as I had been working part-time. So it's also interesting to connect with people who don't react to me either consciously or unconsciously in ways that cancer sets you apart. The people are also younger and more career oriented than I am now, although I can relate to their current situation.

I definitely like the feeling of being part of something that feels life affirming. Like there is nothing else one should spend their time on other than trying to get a product out. Before cancer, I would often make choices based on the "fear" of what I might be losing. I still feel conflictive, but it's on the other side. I want to make a choice based on what I can be having.

I am enjoying the writing and have joined a writing class to further develop my idea on writing a book. I have also made some - albeit minimal - progress on going to school and/or other activities that would be around cancer.