Flat lesions

from the web site: http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=87641
---------------- While the majority of colon cancers were thought to develop from polyps, a new study challenges that assumption and points out that so-called non-polypoid (flat or depressed) lesions in the colon are also likely to turn into cancer. A study in the March 5 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association reports that such lesions were present in almost 10 percent of people screened for the study, and that these lesions were 10 times more likely to be cancerous than polyps were. ... Generally, non-polypoid lesions can be removed at the time of a colonoscopy. If the center where you have your colonscopy done doesn't have the expertise yet, you may have to undergo a second procedure to have the lesion removed.

Lost

I still feel like I'm "lost" about the direction I want in my life. A friend of mine whose parents have cancer shared the following reflection: "I didn't understand what you meant before by difficulty in moving on with your life, but now that I have seen what both of my parents have gone through, I now understand a little better. In the movies, when a person thinks they're going to die, they often try to accomplish all their missing dreams, such as portrayed in the "Bucket List" movie. In real life, my experience is that people get preoccupied with death and become stuck in what they should do." I think I may be preoccupied, as are many of the survivors I know. Some deal it with by activism with the disease, some be being depressed. Me, it's this lost feeling.

I go to the eye doctor today, for a routine exam, and just this "I don't want to go" feeling. I think one gets doctored out. Perhaps, that is why people get preoccupied, because it is always in the back of your mind. There is always another test to do. Any medical procedure - even if it is not cancer related - is a reminder. I had my mammogram last week and it was normal, but while I was there my mind wandered to scenario of having cancer - the surgery, the chemo.

Cancer Free

My CEA level (the blood marker which indicates cancer) is still low and the thyroid ultrasound indicated no change - i.e. nothing cancerous. It's interesting how quickly the fear sets in. While I was having the ultrasound, I thought about what I had cancer. Would I have surgery? Would I have chemo? Or would I just want a good quality of life as long as I could? After getting the results, I was just so happy. I don't have to go back for the next cancer check until July.

Dealing with the Unknown

I have my standard three month check-up with the oncologist today. I went in last week for the blood draw, so the results can be known for my visit. I also go in for another ultrasound on my thyroid. I see the doctor for that next week. I feel fine and healthy, but there is always this scare that the cancer may come back or that I'll need more medical procedures. I guess that is why I am writing a blog entry after so long. Somehow expressing your fear helps me deal with it.

Catching Up

I haven't posted in a while. I supposed it's like donating blood, the cancer doesn't impact me on a daily basis, so my need to post is not as great. It might also be that I have integrated my experience more. I realize going to doctors on a regular basis is just part of my life. But it's still an important one and in writing this, I feel like I'm connecting with friends. It makes me feel good.

I have applied to participate in the patient panel at the cancer center. It's a volunteer panel that reviews and recommends processes to the center. My article on using the internet was published in Coping this month and I had another article accepted for publication in June. A friend is starting a non-profit to provide colon screening for people who can't afford it and I will be on the board. I'm also supporting the American Cancer Society again this year in lobbying for increased health coverage at the state level. I did not finish the Reclaiming class offered for cancer survivors. I found that there wasn't the time to go indepth on issues in a way I could really work on them.

My health is fine. Had my routine pap smear and yearly physical and all is normal.

Donating Blood

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/ETO/content/ETO_1_4x_Donation_by_Cancer_Survivors.asp?sitearea=ETO - is an American Cancer Society webpage that discusses the guidelines and risks of donating blood and organs. For blood, "the American Red Cross guidelines allow people who have had cancer to donate if the cancer were treated with surgery or radiation at least 5 years ago and there has been no recurrence." For organ donations, "under select circumstances there may be an acceptable risk in using organs from donors who have had certain types of cancer." This doesn't impact my daily life, but it sets me apart. It makes me realize I'm not like everyone else.

All Clear!

I had my 3-month oncology appointment. My CEA marker was low, an indication that I am cancer free. A friend who had a clean colonoscopy and CT and PET scan, has a high and increasing CEA. (People can have colon cancer with a low CEA - meaning the marker is not indicative of cancer for them, but current knowledge is that a high CEA means cancer is present.) In my friend's situation, the high CEA might mean that the cancer is there, but the symptoms are sub clinical. Continued monitoring will be needed. It brings me back to that place of being afraid of relapse. I guess that is something that is just always with you.