I still feel like I'm "lost" about the direction I want in my life. A friend of mine whose parents have cancer shared the following reflection: "I didn't understand what you meant before by difficulty in moving on with your life, but now that I have seen what both of my parents have gone through, I now understand a little better. In the movies, when a person thinks they're going to die, they often try to accomplish all their missing dreams, such as portrayed in the "Bucket List" movie. In real life, my experience is that people get preoccupied with death and become stuck in what they should do." I think I may be preoccupied, as are many of the survivors I know. Some deal it with by activism with the disease, some be being depressed. Me, it's this lost feeling.
I go to the eye doctor today, for a routine exam, and just this "I don't want to go" feeling. I think one gets doctored out. Perhaps, that is why people get preoccupied, because it is always in the back of your mind. There is always another test to do. Any medical procedure - even if it is not cancer related - is a reminder. I had my mammogram last week and it was normal, but while I was there my mind wandered to scenario of having cancer - the surgery, the chemo.
